Semester 2 Week 5

I have to say as I look back at this week there are random things that stood out to me.  I would like to take 3 or 4 of these things and talk about them.
1. God using Nature to humble his people
In Helaman ch.11, Nephi prays that a famine will curse the land and help bring the people to repentance.  The famine replaced the wars they were having with the Lamanites. When they had humbled themselves they were blessed with rain and crops.
2. Prophets being directed to try again
In chapter 13, Samuel tries to preach but is rejected and starts to leave.  Then he is commanded to return and try again.  He is not the only prophet to be instructed in this way.  Jonah was commanded to go back to Ninevah after he was rejected there.  Those people repented.  Abinadi was commanded to return the people of King Noah and only Alma was repentant.  But Alma's change of heart led many others back to the Lord. Alma the Younger was commanded to return Ammonihah after being rejected there.  When he went back he met Amulek who became a great missionary, and they did convert many back to the gospel.
3. The righteous are a shield
Samuel talks to the people about how wicked they have become in chapter 13. The key thing that stood out to me in this chapter was verse 12.  It says, "wo unto this great city of Zarahemla; for behold, it is because of those who are righteous that it is saved;.." It makes me wonder if the same is true for today.  I hear things on the news and social media and I realize how wicked our world has become.  Things that were considered immoral 20 years ago, let alone socially acceptable, are now everywhere.  In TV shows, movies and books you see how society has degraded. It makes me sad to think this is the world my children are growing up in and how important it is I teach them correctly; I teach them the gospel. But I also see more christian based movies being widely accepted.  There is much wickedness but there is also much good in the world, and I think that is what is keeping it from being destroyed.  We are the lights burning in the darkness of society.  We need to be strong and be a good example to those around us.  Even for no one else's benefit but our own.  We should be anxiously engaged in the work of the Lord in trying to bring others to the gospel.  That is our job, to be a light and example to others.  As we do this we will be blessed.  The Lord knows our hearts.  He knows we want to do the right thing.
I am so grateful for the gospel in my life.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to participate in the Pathway program.  I know that I'm learning and growing in ways I wouldn't if not for this program.

Pathway week 9

    This week one of the sections in the Book of Mormon we studied was the book of Enos.  In this short book, Enos shares an experience when he prayed to the Father.  First, he prayed for a remission of his sins.  Then he prayed for his fellow Nephites.  Finally he prayed for his enemies, the Lamanites.  There was a process, though, that Enos went through that increased his faith and prepared him to receive an answer to his prayer.  In the Institute of Religion Manual for the Book of Mormon, Elder Robert D. Hales is quoted when he outlines five steps Enos used for this process.
1- He heard gospel truths from his father (Enos 1:1).
2- The teachings were allowed to sink deep into his heart (Enos 1:3).
3- Enos was filled with a desire to know for himself the truth (Enos 1:4).
4- He obeyed the commandments of God.
5- He knelt and prayed mightily before the Lord (Enos 1:4).  In verse 2 Enos described it as his "wrestle which I had before God".
    I think what struck me the most from this is that there is a lot of things that go into true and honest prayer.  Joseph Smith is another great example.  He had a question.  But he didn't go straight to Heavenly Father with his question.  He prepared himself.  He prayed often.  He read the scriptures.  He pondered in his heart his desire to know.  Then he went to the Lord.
  My question I guess to myself would be, what do I need to change about my approach to prayer?  Do I ponder the things I have been taught?  I feel like I do.  Have those teachings sunk deep into my heart?  Yes.  Do I obey the commandments?  Yes.  Do I still sin sometimes?  Yes.  Do I kneel and pray mightily?  Not all of the time.  That is where I can improve.  Enos was brave enough and honest enough with himself to wrestle before the Lord, to pray mightily.  True prayer will be work sometimes. It might be painful emotionally sometimes.  However, when we are kneeling in prayer, that is when we need to be the most honest and sincere.  That is our time for confession and repentance; for forgiveness to start.  At the end we should feel relieved and maybe a bit worn out.  Will that happen all the time?  No.  But for me I know it should happen more than it does.
   In an excerpt from Elder Bender's talk, "Pray Always" he talks about how morning and evening prayer are linked.  They are a continuation of each other.  I don't treat my prayers like that.  I have fallen out of the habit of praying daily.  I read my scriptures and have family prayer, but I am missing that key ingredient of daily personal prayer.  As I work on being more patient, I need that daily communication with my Father in Heaven.  That is my goal for this next week.  I will have morning and evening prayer and keep them linked.

Pathway Program week 5

   This has been such an amazing experience!  I love that I can be immersed in the gospel every day.  The things I am learning will not only help me in my spiritual life, but will help me in my temporal life. I love being able to share the things I learn and get excited about with Whitney and also with 3 of my sisters in-law who are doing the program as well!
    This week we have been reading 2 Nephi 9-16.
    2 Nephi 9:34 talks about lying.  "Wo unto the liar for he shall be thrust down to hell." Pretty intense right?  I don't consider myself a liar.  I try to be honest with people without hurting feelings.  In the Institute Manual, President James E. Faust is quoted as saying, "There are different shades of truth telling.  When we tell little white lies, we become progressively color-blind.  It is better to remain silent than to mislead.  The degree to which each of us tells the whole truth and nothing but the truth depends on our conscience..." (General Conference, October 1996).  I had never thought it quite that way.  What constitutes a "little white lie"?  Does that include sparing someone's feeling by telling them the brutal truth?  How can I be better at being completely truthful and kind at the same time?  Can I be truly honest in all my dealings?  This is something I want to ponder and practice for the next couple of weeks.  Please feel free to share any thoughts or ideas!

Update

   So far this summer has been fairly busy, which I wasn't expecting.  And this month will only be more busy.  I was asked to go to Girl's Camp and I am excited, but a little nervous too.  I haven't been since I was a YCL, and I haven't worked with the youth in any calling.  I've been in Primary for the last 3 1/2 years and just a couple of weeks ago was released and called as the Wolf Den leader.  So how do I relate to these girls?  Why would they open up to me when they only know me as someone they babysit for?  I hope that this will be a good experience for them and for me, but I'm probably worrying over nothing.  I will be an assistant tent mom and also be in the kitchen.  I kind of wish I was only doing one or the other, but I'm glad to be going at all and helping where they need me.

   I am excited to be helping Jacob with his scouting and learning more about Scouts.  At least I know this way he'll be passing off requirements!  I'll probably be doing this at least 2 years, since Jared will turn 8 next year.  Who knows what will happen after that.  I'm sad that I won't be working with Melissa, Megan and Arieta any more.  I really enjoyed being in the Primary Presidency.  A week ago Sunday I couldn't seem to stop crying during Primary.  I have to say though, it was nice to sit next to Whitney for the 2nd and 3rd hours of church this week.  It was nice to listen to the lessons and be able to participate in adult discussions of the gospel. 

    I'm doing the PTC again this year and I'm glad I have the chance to be involved in the kids' school and try and make it better.  I also am going to be the Art Coordinator again.  Over the summer I will be updating some of the lessons and the program in general and hopefully will go back in August more organized.  

   At the end of the month we are going on a camping trip.  Woohoo!  We might get to go one or two more times the whole year and the kids will be excited to go!

I can see!

   Last week I was able to have LASIK surgery.  It's so great to be able to see and not need contacts or glasses; especially when I've worn them for 15 years.  It was weird but didn't hurt.  The ride home was uncomfortable but once I got home I went to sleep and felt much better when I woke up.  I've had no problems.  I haven't been able to wear mascara for a week so people think my allergies are kicking up or ask if I'm ok because I'm not wearing makeup.  I find it funny since I never a lot any way; just usually mascara, and on occasion eye shadow and foundation.

   I watched my baby boy get baptized on his birthday, March 30th.  I was such a mess.   I couldn't seem to stop crying.  He was so cute and got to be baptized with Michael and Brielle.  It was a great, crazy busy weekend.  We had his birthday party on Friday, baptism and luncheon Saturday, and then a family dinner Sunday, which happened to be Easter.  The weather held, which was nice.  We took family pictures Saturday afternoon.  Dad and Ammon came out, but Mom couldn't make it and neither could J.D. or Aunalies.  I know they wanted to be there and I love them for that.

   Kamryn, my dear girl, has been a pill the past couple of days.  I'm starting to think she is teething.  She has been a grump and very bossy to everyone.  Her vocabulary is extensive now so she can pretty much communicate whatever she wants.  I'm hoping this won't last.  I'm about ready to muzzle her so she can't yell at me anymore :).

   Along with being baptized, Jacob has started Scouts.  He's pretty excited about that.  We sat down and did his Bobcat trail today.  I'm a bit excited too to learn about the scouting program.  I know bits and pieces from watching my brothers go through and Mom serving as a scout leader.  But it will be fun to do it with Jacob and then Jared also next year.

Good Day?

I hurt a friend today and I wish I hadn't.  I think it's the hardest when you didn't mean to do it, and then you find out and realize how hurt that person is.  I had planned a day with some friends and this person didn't get invited.  I wasn't trying to not invite her; I just didn't think about it.  I know what it feels like to be excluded and not feel like you belong, or have really close friends.  But I never considered that she would feel this way.  I have apologized to her and hopefully by writing it down I can exorcise it and we can move on; hopefully as friends again.
On a different note, Sarah had her first dentist appointment today and did great!  My baby girl is starting kindergarten in a few months!  It's not fair how fast they grow up!  Kamryn talks constantly, and is even wanting to potty train.  Jacob turns 8 in a week and he'll get baptized!  Jared talks about 2nd grade every time they have a school break.  I love them all and wish sometimes that time would slow down and I can enjoy them a little longer.  Before I know it they'll be grown and leaving the house.  I guess when I get this sentimental it's time to go to bed :).

Forward March!

I'm sure I'm absolutely the only person that has ever felt this way (said sarcastically), the last few days I have felt like the world's worst mom.  I feel like I can't control my kids more than half the time, they run through the house yelling and screaming which of course sets the dog off and he's barking and I just want to crawl under my sheets and hide, or bury my nose farther into a book and pretend all is calm and peaceful.
I know that I am a good mom, and sometimes even a great mom, but there are days when I think somebody picked the wrong person for this job.  I pray every night that I can be the kind of mom I want to be, but I'm not sure how to do that.  Today I started with my day with a scripture and a prayer (novel concept, I know) and it has been better.  Hopefully I can stick it out for a week and see what happens.
But what do you do about a child that never listens to you?  Who argues with everything you say?  Who throws a fit over the smallest things?  And, who is only 4?  Everything I try never works for long, if it works at all.  It is a great puzzle and I'm afraid I will spend the next 10+ years trying to solve it.
Despite how depressing the beginning of this post sounded, I do love my children and I am grateful for them.  I know that the Lord believes in me and trusts me with his children.  I don't like feeling like I'm failing Him and them on a daily basis.  But I know that they know I love them, and I tell them that every day.  I hug them and kiss them goodbye and goodnight.  I feel like I do contribute little drops of awesome each day and I hope that counts for something.  I have a desire to change and be better and I hope that also counts.
So, here I go, off to try and be the kind and patient mom I would like to be as Jared comes into the room crying over the newest disaster.