Saturday, September 5, 2009

What do I do?

I don't know if it is something in the air lately, but I have found that the last month or so, it has been hard for me to be happy. I am not a person prone to depression, and I don't even feel depressed. It's more of a feeling of discontent. Whitney and I have a great marriage. We're not fighting or anything. He is working a lot but that is something we both agreed on. We have financial goals that we are trying to meet, and in order to do that, he has to work a lot of overtime. I love my children and I enjoy being a mom. But I am feeling lately it doesn't seem to be enough. It should be enough. I know that I have been very blessed in my life. This is in no way a pity party. I guess I just don't understand my own feelings. I know I want a bigger place. I know that in order to get that Whit has to work. I know that that means it is me being both parents a lot of the time. I just,...I don't know. I want to enjoy my life. I want to be happy. I am doing the things I should. I have been trying to read my scriptures every night and pray. The kids and I have been reading together and having family prayer. Whitney and I went to the temple on Wednesday together. We are going to church every week. I am fulfilling my calling. I have been working at being more patient and more consistent with discipline. I wish I could put my finger on it. I know everyone goes through moods. Mine just don't usually a month or more. I am not saying I feel like this every day. Some days are better. Maybe it's just the stress of the last year. Maybe I don't know how to let it go. Maybe I want to do something just for me. I don't know. But I do feel better for writing it out.