Stuck

I had to make this a separate post because it's a completely different topic.  I have been feeling spiritually stuck.  I feel like I get so caught up in the other things in my life, that I will just read a few verses at night and call it good.  But it's not.  I want to grow.  I want to learn.  I want to have a better understanding of the gospel and the scriptures.  Sometimes I miss the days of Seminary when, despite having to get up early, you could have a time of day set aside to study and discuss scripture!  I miss the feeling I had going to seminary.  I never minded getting up early.  I loved just being there and feeling like I was learning something important.  I wish that there was an Institute class offered during the day.  I would so jump on that!
    We went to the temple recently and I was able to talk to Whit about it.  I would hear stories about apostles and other people having these great epiphanies at the temple or being able to learn something new every time they went through a session and I felt like I was doing something wrong.  But after talking with him, I realized that's not always how it works.  He asked if I had prepared myself to go to the temple that day, and I realized it's been a long time that I have taken the time to spiritually prepare myself for hopefully a spiritual experience.  I can't just expect the Lord to give me amazing insights and revelation if all I do is hurry, hurry, hurry and then get there and say, "ok!  I'm ready!".  I'm pretty sure there is more to it than that.
   A part of me felt that since I have been in Primary the last three years, I have been missing out on true gospel discussion in Gospel Doctrine.  But sitting here, typing this right now, I realize that perhaps I have not had the best mind set.  Don't get me wrong; I love Primary!  I love being with the kids and love the women that I serve with.  But I'm pretty sure I could have gotten more out of it than I have.  I suppose that's probably true about a lot of things.  While we were sitting in the temple, I was reminded that Primary is where you learn about the basics of the gospel, and you can always go over them again and gain a firmer understanding of the gospel.  That's what I should have getting out of this; and I think I have to some to extent, but not as much as I could have.
   Whitney recommended, instead of just reading the scriptures straight through (which I've done), to read by topic.  So I have decided to take that challenge.  I'm also writing down scriptures that grab me and plan to put a board up in my room to collect them.  I also downloaded an app he recommended ( I know, the age of the apps!).  It's daily scripture verses with a quote and song to go along.  It's been interesting to see how often 2 or 3 days in a row will carry the same theme or, how, because I read a small quote from a conference talk, I now want to read the whole thing.
   I feel like in a small way I have had a spiritual awakening.  I found some things I could change that could help bring the spirit more into my life.  For so long I have felt stuck.  I felt like I wasn't moving forward or making progress.  There was always babies and diapers and being pregnant and laundry and school and lunches keeping my kids from killing each other!  But I know that I need to take time for myself; not just spiritually, but taking time to do things I want to do.  I enjoy making cards and being involved at the school.  Those things make me happy and feel like I have something to contribute besides more children!
   I know that was a bit rambling but wow!  I feel better!