Saturday, September 5, 2009

What do I do?

I don't know if it is something in the air lately, but I have found that the last month or so, it has been hard for me to be happy. I am not a person prone to depression, and I don't even feel depressed. It's more of a feeling of discontent. Whitney and I have a great marriage. We're not fighting or anything. He is working a lot but that is something we both agreed on. We have financial goals that we are trying to meet, and in order to do that, he has to work a lot of overtime. I love my children and I enjoy being a mom. But I am feeling lately it doesn't seem to be enough. It should be enough. I know that I have been very blessed in my life. This is in no way a pity party. I guess I just don't understand my own feelings. I know I want a bigger place. I know that in order to get that Whit has to work. I know that that means it is me being both parents a lot of the time. I just,...I don't know. I want to enjoy my life. I want to be happy. I am doing the things I should. I have been trying to read my scriptures every night and pray. The kids and I have been reading together and having family prayer. Whitney and I went to the temple on Wednesday together. We are going to church every week. I am fulfilling my calling. I have been working at being more patient and more consistent with discipline. I wish I could put my finger on it. I know everyone goes through moods. Mine just don't usually a month or more. I am not saying I feel like this every day. Some days are better. Maybe it's just the stress of the last year. Maybe I don't know how to let it go. Maybe I want to do something just for me. I don't know. But I do feel better for writing it out.

3 comments:

Marni's Organized Mess said...

It's very likely you are at church right now, otherwise I'd be on the phone immediately. I LOVE you. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I will either call you Tuesday or you me... Tomorrow is our 6 year and we are taking a family day.

But we are getting together ASAP! Here or there...

Laura said...

I think it's hard to be a stay-at-home mom at times... it doesn't have the immediate rewards and accomplishments that you would get at a paid job. But, someday, you'll see those rewards. Hang in there... I feel this way at times too. It's really tough being a "single mom" when your husband is working so much. You SHOULD go and do something for yourself. Get a babysitter for 1 hour, and just go do something fun! Or, when Whitney is home, go out by yourself for and hour or so. That helps me IMMENSELY. Let me know if you need ANYTHING!

Natalie said...

I understand that...sounds like me when life gets too predictable! Hope your spirits lift higher. Love ya. :)