Ho, ho, ho

I just wanted to say to everyone, have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! We love you all and hope you are doing well.

On a happier note

I know after last night's post it might seem like nothing good has happened lately, but that is not true. Sarah has been exploding in the development stage. Just this weekend, she started pulling herself to her feet against the furniture. She can flip herself out of her Bumbo, she can go from a stink bug position straight to her booty, and according to Whitney, she said "Dada". It was more of a "thatha", but Whitney wanted to count it. I wasn't going to shatter his illusions. Jacob and Jared love Sarah so much. They love having her in their room to play and have a bad babit of waking her up when she is sleeping. They are good boys(for the most part) and they are good big brothers.

The kids playing in the leaves in the front yard.

Sarah joining the boys.

My cute kids.

My strong boys. We took family pics too, but I didn't like any of them enough to use. We are taking more this weekend.

ALways a first time

So I realized that I was feeling pretty smug about how I have been handling Whitney in the academy. I thought, oh this is not as hard as everyone says. So he's gone all week. At least I get to see him on the weekends.
I was already used to having him gone at night from the night shifts he worked. But it was not seeing him at all that was hard, and I was handling it pretty well. And then came Friday. I swear, everything the kids did that day just drove me nuts. But 3:30 I am watching the clock because I know in an hour and a half he will be starting his leave and on his way home. Then what do I do while he is home? I spend the next 12 hours criticising everything he does as pertains to the kids. What is my problem? I couldn't wait for him to be home, then I'm stressing because are making me insane, and then I get upset and frustrated at everything he does. No wonder he was pissed at me Saturday morning. We worked it out and are fine, but I felt like such a shrew. I have decided it will be good for me to get away for a few weeks. I think I need the break. I could tell he really didn't want to go back tonight, and as he got in the car with Jimbo, I started crying, but I didn't let him see. I didn't want him to feel bad. He already felt that our Christmas will be a lot less than we planned because his check was a lot smaller than we thought (hoped) it would be, but there's nothing to do. We will have Charlie Brown and always remember it. It will give us a chance to really focus on the Savior. And that is so easier said than done, gosh dangit.
Wow, talk about emotions. I just feel like I am getting worse every week. I feel more stressed and tense with each passing day. I pray and ask the Lord to help me but I still feel tense and stressed all the time. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I be strong like everyone thinks I can? Why can't I stop snapping at my kids and feeling like a horrible mom? Why can't I just be better? How am I going to make it another 23 weeks?
Okay, I am going to go to bed before I soak the keyboard. thank you all for your love and support.