So I realized that I was feeling pretty smug about how I have been handling Whitney in the academy. I thought, oh this is not as hard as everyone says. So he's gone all week. At least I get to see him on the weekends.
I was already used to having him gone at night from the night shifts he worked. But it was not seeing him at all that was hard, and I was handling it pretty well. And then came Friday. I swear, everything the kids did that day just drove me nuts. But 3:30 I am watching the clock because I know in an hour and a half he will be starting his leave and on his way home. Then what do I do while he is home? I spend the next 12 hours criticising everything he does as pertains to the kids. What is my problem? I couldn't wait for him to be home, then I'm stressing because are making me insane, and then I get upset and frustrated at everything he does. No wonder he was pissed at me Saturday morning. We worked it out and are fine, but I felt like such a shrew. I have decided it will be good for me to get away for a few weeks. I think I need the break. I could tell he really didn't want to go back tonight, and as he got in the car with Jimbo, I started crying, but I didn't let him see. I didn't want him to feel bad. He already felt that our Christmas will be a lot less than we planned because his check was a lot smaller than we thought (hoped) it would be, but there's nothing to do. We will have Charlie Brown and always remember it. It will give us a chance to really focus on the Savior. And that is so easier said than done, gosh dangit.
Wow, talk about emotions. I just feel like I am getting worse every week. I feel more stressed and tense with each passing day. I pray and ask the Lord to help me but I still feel tense and stressed all the time. What am I doing wrong? Why can't I be strong like everyone thinks I can? Why can't I stop snapping at my kids and feeling like a horrible mom? Why can't I just be better? How am I going to make it another 23 weeks?
Okay, I am going to go to bed before I soak the keyboard. thank you all for your love and support.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Hey sweetheart, just wanted to say that WE LOVE YOU. You are a great mom, even when you feel like you're not, because you love them and they love you NO matter what. Christmas is going to be great because you're going to be with the rest of us doing the Charlie Brown thing. Can't wait to see you, and you can stay as long as you need!!!! XOXOXOXO
You are in my thoughts and I am sending love and support. I'll try to call you tomorrow, but definitely this week.
Want to come sometime next week? Most days are open for us... the kids are in school in the mornings (William MWF and Rawni TTH, but still...)
I love you.
Marni
Hang in there, Cassie! I can't imagine the stress on both you and Whit in that little bit of time you finally get together at the end of each week. Heavenly Father will help you as you try to be the wife Whit needs, the mom your kids need and with the happiness and peace that you need. He will not leave you alone!!! I know that from experience!
I love you tons!! Wish we were closer for the holidays! Merry Christmas!
Your so great! I love how you share your feelings about it all. I would be the same way (if not worse) if Clint was gone doing Military stuff. You both are so brave. When are you coming to Utah? I would love to see you and your family too. My schedule is really flexible right now so it shouldn't be a problem. Heres my number 801-209-7972 and I think you have my email. Love ya.
Cassie, I hope you are doing OK. You will greatly benefit from a nice break away. That is why I went to Utah for 3 weeks or so. It really helped pass time more quickly. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. I was going to call you a few weeks ago, but never have had a good chance. I'll call you soon. Be ready to vent, girl. I know where you are coming from!!!
Post a Comment